


Awkward and Youthful (Taewoon POV)

by parka_girl



Series: khiphop au [2]
Category: K-pop, MBLAQ, Speed (Kpop)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Khiphop, Hip Hop, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-14 16:10:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1272790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parka_girl/pseuds/parka_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>khiphop AU: Joon wrote a song that was never meant to see the light of day. And then it does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awkward and Youthful (Taewoon POV)

**Author's Note:**

> Read Joon's POV first. Thanks to J for encouragement.

Ever since he met Joon, Taewoon's always been able to read him. Sometimes he gets it wrong, but mostly he's right. Jiho says he's got a 75% Joon-success rate, but Taewoon thinks it's closer to 90%. Which is how he notices that things between them have gone all weird.

At first he assumes it's something he did, it often is. But the more he studies Joon, the more he realizes it's not him. Or, he thinks to himself as they eat dinner together after a gig, it's not _just_ him. He watches Joon, but doesn't say anything, which seems to be the way a lot of their time together has been going.

He loves rapping while Joon sings. The stuff they do together are his favorite. Even more than Woo Brothers. He loves Jiho, but they're brothers and mostly it's that he's not Joon. Even ignoring the fact that Woo Brothers is all rap and Joon's a singer. But that's not the point. Everything about his friendship with Joon makes Taewoon happy. It's kind of cliche, but the songs they do together give him life. And that's why this awkwardness between them is driving him crazy.

He's spent too much time watching, no -- staring, at Joon and not enough time solving their problems. But at least he knows something's wrong. And that it's probably not completely his fault. Eventually, though, after another gig, Taewoon manages to get Joon to admit that he's written a new song. It's not an admission of some unresolved problem, but Taewoon counts it as a win anyway. At least they're talking. Sort of.

"Hyung, please???" He begs. He doesn't want to dig around in Joon's notebooks -- not that he hasn't done that before, but something about this time feels different.

"It's not finished." Joon replies and Taewoon knows absolutely that Joon's talking a load of shit.

He tries his best persuasion techniques, which usually work on Joon, but not this time. He gives up, for a while at least. If only because it obviously makes Joon upset and Taewoon's heart can't handle Joon being upset.

He tries again after another gig. A perfect night, they were both on fire and music reps were in the audience. Maybe they'd finally catch a break. They went back to Joon's flat, to celebrate. Alone. Taewoon tried to keep his thoughts to himself, but after all those bottles of Soju, he couldn't help himself. He'd promised himself he wouldn't ask Joon about the song, but once his mouth got going, he couldn't stop it.

"Is it finished?" He asks, eyes never leaving Joon's face. The answer he gets isn't what he expects, but it proves what he'd already guessed.

"I can't." Joon says, eyes everywhere but on Taewoon.

"What? Why not?" He'd sort of figured that Joon had finished the song already, maybe he'd even had it done when Taewoon asked the first time. But it doesn't really make him feel any better about bringing it up. But he still can't seem to stop.

Joon slides away from him, standing. Taewoon looks up, watching him. their gazes meet, just briefly, and then Joon mumbles "I just … I can't." As he disappeared into his bedroom.

Taewoon watches, confused and a little hurt. He feels himself get up before he realizes what he's doing. He walks into the bedroom, toward Joon. He stops, watching Joon. He's holding something in his hand and he knows it has to be the notebook with the song in it. He wants to see it so bad it's making him behave like an idiot.

"Hyung?" He feels sober now, worried. But Joon doesn't answer him. Taewoon walks closer and sees that Joon really is holding the notebook. He steps in even closer, wondering what the fuck he's doing, even as he's reaching for the notebook. He grabs at it, but Joon's grip is tight and Taewoon can't pull it free. Instead, Joon goes sprawling back on the bed, the notebook still in his hand. And then Taewoon sees the look on Joon's face.

It's a mix of betrayal and hurt. Taewoon gasps a little, feeling his chest tighten as he realizes that this is his fault, all his, that Joon's looking at him like this. He swears at himself, trying to get the apology out, but he can't. He takes a step back and then another, trying to pull himself back in control. He feels the self-loathing start to seep into him.

But then Joon's standing and shoving the notebook into Taewoon's hands. "Here." He says, holding it open to a page. The page with the song. Taewoon takes it and then Joon's leaving. "I'm going to go shower." He says, then he's down the hall.

Taewoon watches him leave and then his eyes drop down to the words on the page. At first it seems straightforward enough, but then he reads the chorus, follow by the first of his rap verses. Joon's sketched something out for him, because he's good at that, too. And then it dawns on him, this song can only be for them. He keeps reading and his knees go weak.

He has to sit on Joon's bed before he can continue reading. He skims to the end, then flips back and reads it again. Everything suddenly makes sense. He doesn't know why he never realized what his feelings for Joon really meant. Until now. Until he sees them spelled out in the lyrics to a song. A song Joon wrote. For them. He rereads the rap and his mind is already going over the ways to make it even better.

Then he hears the bathroom door open. He stares at the notebook, fingers brushing over the words, and he waits for Joon to walk back into the bedroom. After a moment or two, Joon clears his throat. Taewoon turns and realizes that, fuck, how had he never noticed just how sexy-beautiful-whatever Joon is. He tries not to stare and swallows hard. His voice sounds strained, even so.

"It's good." He manages to say, even though what he really means is that it's fucking amazing and also how did Joon know Taewoon was in love with him before he even did.

"Thanks." Joon says, voice quiet as he reaches for the notebook. Taewoon sets it on the bed and then, on impulse, he reaches out and curls his fingers around Joon's wrist. Something he's done a hundred times, or more, but it suddenly feels different. "What?" Joon asks, looking at him.

Fuck, Taewoon thinks. He watches Joon and then his mouth is working before his brain can catch up. "Is … is it for us?" It's a dumb question because of course it is. But Taewoon can't, won't, take it back.

Joon looks at him, then away. Taewoon watches him, then looks at his fingers around Joon's wrist. When Joon starts to speak, Taewoon looks up.

"Yeah. I thought," Joon pauses and Taewoon's heart skips a beat or twelve. "It just seemed …" Joon trails off and Taewoon completes the thought in his own head. Perfect for them. About them.

He tilts his head, watching Joon, trying to read his face but he can't now, of all the fucking times. He swallows again, absently rubbing his thumb against Joon's wrist. He thinks about the song, his rap and then closes his eyes. He takes a breath before he can speak.

"I want to …" He starts, trying to sort out his thoughts. "Can I make some changes to the rap?" He thinks about all the ideas, already floating around in his head.

Silence, then Joon's pulling his hand away, breaking contact. When he replies, it startles Taewoon. "Yeah, okay." And he pushes the notebook toward Taewoon.

The rest of the evening passes by in a blur. They watch TV and all the energy Taewoon used to confront Joon leaves him exhausted. He starts to drift off, head nodding toward Joon's shoulder, but then Joon's pushing him into the bedroom. He mumbles something about sleeping on the couch and Taewoon consents, if only because it seems to make Joon feel better. But once he's in bed, he can't sleep. He waits for the light to go off in the living room, for the light sounds of Joon's snoring. And then he slips out of bed, bringing the notebook and a blanket with him. He watches Joon sleep, resisting the urge to brush his hair out of his eyes. Instead, he curls up on the floor, next to the couch. He sleeps better when he's in the same room as Joon and at least he knows why, now. He clutches the notebook to his chest and falls asleep.

The longest few weeks of Taewoon's life sort of float past him. It's not like it wasn't planned, but there's so much that Taewoon wants to talk to Joon about that he finds it frustrating. Joon goes on vacation with his family, while Taewoon has a couple of gigs with Jiho. They do well, but Taewoon's distracted most of the time. He spends hours with the notebook, even asking one of the noonas he knows, who writes her own stuff, to help him out. She doesn't ask too many questions and by the time Joon's back in town, Taewoon has his rap verses all sorted and even some music written. On impulse, he shows up at Joon's flat, knocking on the door.

As soon as Joon opens the door, before he even lets him in, Taewoon's shoving the notebook at him. "Here. I … made some changes." He says, chewing on his bottom lip.

He watches as Joon takes the notebook without even glancing at it and holds the door, letting him into the flat.

"Want something to drink?" Joon asks, not even making eye contact. Taewoon doesn't answer, just shrugs and he bites the inside of his cheek and the tension between them makes him want to leave, but he doesn't. Instead, he follows Joon toward the kitchen.

"You're not even going to look at it?" He asks, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice but he's pretty sure it doesn't work.

Joon shoves a bottle of water at him and then picks the notebook up off the counter and starts reading it. Taewoon can hear his heart beating so loudly he's certain that Joon must be able to hear it, too. But Joon doesn't look up, he's reading and, Taewoon thinks, reading it again.

"Do … you like it?" He whispers, scared of the answer. Because he doesn't know what he'd do if Joon didn't like it. But then Joon looks up at him.

"I." He stops, making Taewoon's heart stop until he speaks again. "Yeah, I do." Taewoon breathes again, struggling to keep from grinning. But then they spend the rest of the evening not talking about the song. He wants to, almost desperately so, but he doesn't press, because he doesn't want to push Joon away. Later, they share a bed again, like they used to. It takes Taewoon forever to fall asleep, all he wants to do is stare at Joon. He can feel himself falling in love, if he wasn't there already.

Taewoon tries to make things easier between them, especially once they start practicing the song. He sends files to Joon, so they don't have to be in the same room together. His rapping, the music and then Joon sends back his own singing. Taewoon thinks that if there was any doubt in his mind about how he feels about Joon, it's all gone now. And then the time comes for them to practice the song together, in person. They're sitting on the floor of Taewoon's flat, with his computer on the table next to them. Taewoon's facing Joon when he starts the music and then everything slots into place when Joon starts singing, as if the music and Joon were always meant to go together. Then Taewoon adds his own rap and it takes all of his self control to keep from crawling across the floor and kissing Joon.

Four months later, since the day he first read the song, they have another gig. A big one, with headliners who really bring in the fans. They're going second to last, Taewoon had requested that part of the set because he knows how much Joon likes it. He'd also taken it upon himself to sort out their setlist. He gave a copy to Joon, but left off the fact that their encore was going to be Joon's song. Their song. It started out well enough, they have enough fans who knows their old stuff to sing along. They also sang some of their newer songs. And then the lights go down, their set's about over, but then the music starts. Their music. The lights go up and Taewoon catches Joon's gaze from across the stage. Taewoon thinks he's dead, but then Joon's singing and nothing else matters.

He doesn't even bother to look at the crowd, the only thing he can see is Joon. Everything fits together perfectly and he doesn't care if the whole world knows that he's rapping to Joon. About Joon. He's in love, he knows this now, and it's fucking brilliant because he knows Joon's pretty much in love with him, too. The song's over way too soon and when the lights go down, he strides across the stage, hand around Joon's wrist and tugs him away from the screaming fans and toward an empty dressing room.

They're alone, finally alone. And this song that's been between them for four fucking months isn't there anymore and Taewoon is ready to clear everything up. But first he has to apologize, because he sort of knew Joon didn't want to sing the song and yet … He shakes his head, clearing it, rubbing the sweat off his face with his hand.

"Hyung," he starts, apology filling his voice, "don't hate me." He shoves his hands in his pockets, stepping a bit away from Joon.

The corners of Joon's mouth turn up, just slightly. "I don't." He half-whispers.

"I wanted us to sing it. Just once." He confesses, then steps in a little, because he needs to be closer to Joon. Because he needs Joon.

And then Joon's talking. "I wanted us to sing it, too. Properly." And Taewoon's heart is beating triple time and then Joon's stepping toward him, so close that Taewoon could touch him. He doesn't, because Joon's hand is on his chest, fingers curled in his shirt, pulling at him. Taewoon goes easily because he wants this, he wants Joon so much. And then they're kissing, hard and hot and Taewoon cannot help but shove Joon against the wall.

He presses their bodies together, kissing Joon harder. Hands against Joon's sides, while Joon's hands are around his neck. He's fantasized about this, ever since he figured things out. And now it's real and it's so much better. Joon pulls back, breaking the kiss and Taewoon realizes his hands were under Joon's shirt. He pulls them free, then wraps his arms around Joon, holding onto him as they both catch their breath. He's lightheaded and deliriously happy. He presses his face against Joon's hair, breathing deeply.

"We have to go back out there." Joon says, and Taewoon vaguely remembers they're actually at a gig.

He grins against Joon's head. "Can't I just take you home?"

Joon's laugh is a surprise to both of them, but the smile on his face makes everything okay. "I …" Joon starts and Taewoon knows where he's going.

He shakes his head, smiling back, like an idiot. "I know." He murmurs, but then Joon's kissing him. He wraps his arms around Joon, kissing him back, hard and needy. Because he wants this, maybe he's always wanted it since the moment they met. He doesn't know, he doesn't care, because he has it now.

Then someone's calling for them, for everyone. And they have to break apart, but they walk out on stage together. They sing the final number, all the groups together and the fans. It's good, but for him, for the two of them Taewoon thinks, it's better than ever before. No one looks their way, no one notices, but Taewoon doesn't care. Joon knows how he feels and in the end, it's the only thing that matters.


End file.
